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Thursday, June 6, 2013

Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

A talent agent invites several girls to come to a club with him in Singapore. However, their plane crashes in the ocean, and they make their way to an island where they find giant spider webs.


There's this guy named Gary who manages a nightclub. He decides to fly a group of women from New York City to Singapore so they can perform there. During the flight, the plane catches in fire, splits in half, then crashes into the Pacific Ocrean. For whatever terrible reason, only the plane staff died, and Gary's group was untouched. The group suffers from dehydration while on a life raft, but they eventually find a small island where they spend the night. This seemingly invinsible group discovers fresh water the next day, and decide to explore. They find a cabin, but inside it is a giant spider web. Inside the cabin is a journal written by this professor dude mining for Uranium, but he feared that something bad was going to happen to him. While there was no indication of how long the professor was going to be on the island, the women had enough food to last them some time around a month. Gary sets out alone onto the island, where he is bitten by a giant spider and turned into a half-man, half-spider. He flees, which leaves the women to wonder what happened to him. The next day, Gary has uncontrollable rages of violence, and he kills one of the girls. The remaining women are still unaware of what has happened to Gary, and don't know who killed the woman. A month has passed and it's just like these brilliant women predicted - they were running low on food. Like the endings of I Shouldn't Be Alive, this is when they spot a ship on the horrizon. However, they're unable to spot it down before it leaves. Luckily, two men come by in a rowboat with supplies for the professor. They find the women, and the ladies tell the guys that the professor is, erm, a rotten person, quite literally. While wait for the ship to the return, they party it up on their last night on the island. One of the guys walks off to be with one of the ladies, but Gary kills them both. The other women are finally aware of what has happened to Gary, and the rest of the group hunts him down until he flees into quicksand, where he dies.

Overall Review
My Rating: C+
This movie is The Wasp Woman meets Madagascar meets...I don't know. Being that it is originally German, it is dubbed...but it wasn't done very well. Maybe this way made by drunk Germans during Oktoberfest...that's about the only logical explanation for why this movie was created that I can think of
  • Alexander D'Arcy as Gary
  • Rainer Brandt as Bobby
  • Walter Faber as Mike Blackwood
  • Helga Franck as Georgia
  • Harald Maresch as Joe
  • Helga Neuner as Ann
  • Dorothee Parker as Gladys
  • Gerry Sammer as May
  • Eva Schauland as Nelly
  • Helma Vandenberg as Kate
  • Barbara Valentin as Babs
  • Elfie Wagner as Linda
Full Movie

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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Soul Surfer (2011)

File:Soul Surfer Poster.jpg
Teenage surfer Bethany Hamilton loses her arm in a shark attack, but gains to courage to go back to surfing.


Bethany Hamilton as herself (stock footage)
In 2003, Bethany Hamilton and her best friend Alana Blanchard have entered a surfing competition. Chuch youth ministry leader Sarah Hill is disappointed when Bethany explains that she has to cancel going on a mission trip to Mexico because of it. Bethany comes in first, making her rival, Malina Birch, pretty frustrated. The Rip Curl surfwear company offers the friends sponsorships. On October 30th, the girls sneak off to go nightsurfing with some friends. The next day, Alana, Bethany, Holt (Alana's dad), and Byron (Alana's brother) go surfing. While wating for a wave, Bethany casually has her arm in the water, when a tiger shark (we only see half of the shark...maybe it's Sharktopus) suddenly bites off her arm. Everyone swims and takes her to shore, where Holt works on creating a tourniquet out of the surf leash while Byron calls 911. After arriving at the hospital, it is revealed that Bethany, in addition to losing her left arm, has lost over 60% of her blood. Paparazzi of the shark attack begins to stress the family and take away they're privacy. Bethany's injury has removed her from the Rip Curl photo shoots, but is happy for Alana. TV show Inside Edition offers to give Bethany a prosthetic arm as long as she does an interview for the show, but she rejects when she finds out that the arm won't help her do anything. Eventually, she decides to get back into surfing and learns to surf with one arm after trial-and-error. 
AnnaSophia Robb as Bethany Hamilton
She re-enters in the competition. She later tells Malina not to take it easy on her, and she even rejects the five-minute head start that the judges have given her because of her handicap. However, she is not doing well in the competition as she is not able to duck dive (a surf move where you go beneath a wave not big enough to surf on). She eventually quits surfing. Eventually, she goes on a mission trip to Thailand to help out with people in the aftermath of the 2004 tsunami. Eventually, it inspires her to get back to surfing. Her dad has created a handle loop on a surf board so she can duck dive again. In the final competition, she does very well, but comes in 5th (her last wave did not count). Despite this, she is alright with it, saying that she didn't come to win...she came to surf.

Overall Review
My Rating: A+
I thought this was a pretty good movie. I highly recommend it, and I don't agree with professional reviews on anything. So see the movie and ignore the critics...except for me. I'm your only reliable critic!
  • AnnaSophia Robb as Bethany Hamilton
  • Helen Hunt as Cheri Hamilton
  • Dennis Quaid as Tom Hamilton
  • Carrie Underwood as Sarah Hill
  • Kevin Sorbo as Holt Blanchard
  • Ross Thomas as Noah Hamilton
  • Chris Brochu as Timmy Hamilton
  • Lorraine Nicholson as Alana Blanchard
  • Jeremy Sumpter as Byron Blanchard
  • Sonia Balmores Chung as Malina Birch
  • Craig T. Nelson as Dr. David Rovinsky
  • Cody Gomes as Keoki
  • Branscombe Richmond as Ben
  • Arlene Newman-Van Asperan as Cydney Blanchard
  • Nadeen Ayman as Jenny
  • Tiffany Hofstetter as Rosemary
  • Dutch Hofstetter Jr. as Brandon
  • Bethany Hamilton as Herself (Archive Footage/cameo appearance in Thailand scene)
  • Alana Blanchard as Herself (Archive Footage)

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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sharktopus (2010)

A giant monster that is half-shark, half-octopus wreaks havoc on beach-goers.


This SyFy Channel original is about as bad a movie as I have seen in a long while. So, the US Navy decides its a good idea to create a genetically altere animal that is half-shark and half-octopus to use as a natural weapon. Obviously, we didn't learn from Ice Spiders that this doesn't work. The shark escapes during a demonstration (go figure) and goes bizzerk. Anyways, I think this beats out Ice is more entertainingly bad, and the graphics are downright horrid.

Overall Review
My rating: C
The graphics are almost completely unrendered. There is more dimension in the side of a piece of paper than there is Sharktopus. Oh, for those of you who have seen Nacho Libre, this movie stars Hector Jiminez (who plays Esqueleto) as a character named "Bones". Ironically, Esqueleto means "Skeleton".
  • Eric Roberts as Dr. Nathan Sands
  • Sara Malakul Lane as Nicole Sands
  • Kerem Bursin as Andy Flynn
  • Hector Jimenez as Bones
  • Liv Boughn as Stacy Everheart
  • Shandi Finnessey as Stephie
  • Peter Nelson as Commander Cox (credited as Calvin Persson)
  • Ralph Garman as Captain Jack
  • Clem Hansen as Male with Bikini Girl
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Ice Spiders (2007)

The government has started creating giant, deadly spiders to potentially use as a natural weapon, but things go terribly wrong.

Ice spider!
Note - I'm just gonna give you the review necessary on this hunk o' trash movie.
Retired Olympic skier "Dash" Dashiell works at a ski resort in Utah. On a secluded part of the same mountain as the resort, Dr. April Sommers is working with the government to create large spiders to use as a natural military weapon. A group of teenage skiers, one of them, Chad, decides to challenge Dash to a race. When Dash reaches the bottom, he meets Dr. Sommers, and they talk for a bit. The teens go inside the resort. When Sommers returns to the lab she's been working at, the bodies of dead scientists are all over the place. Eventually, she finds one survivor, who has been wrapped up in a spider web, and he warns her that the spiders have escaped. When she prepares to leave the lab, a genetically altered and enlarged black widow tries to attack her, which forces her into a locked office. She sets off an alarm, alerting everyone in the area to get to that office. All in all, this movie is mainly "somebody is killed by a spider, a spider gets killed" back and forth. Since it is so repetitive and I honestly don't have time to write all of the plot, here's the full plot.

My Rating: F
Sorry, Ice Spiders, but you've gotten an F for failure. I've watched this movie twice, and not once have I made to the end. Yeah, I like b-movies, but this is at the end of that category, nearing bad movies. The spiders look absolutely horrid, and this is just another typical SyFy Channel original - Government makes a natural weapon. Weapon escapes. Weapon causes terror. People win. Save your time and don't watch this.
  • Patrick Muldoon as Dan "Dash" Dashiell
  • Vanessa A. Williams as Dr. April Sommers
  • Thomas Calabro as Capt. Baker
  • David Millbern as Prof. Marks
  • Noah Bastian as Chad Brown
  • Carleigh King as Brittany
  • Stephen J. Cannell as Frank Stone
  • Matt Whittaker as Steven
  • Clayton Taylor as Quintin
  • Charles Halford as Coach Mike
  • Steve Bilich as Coach Palmer
  • Keirnan Ryan Daley as Rosen
  • Cory McMillan as Perez
  • Connie Young as Mrs. Steward
  • Marc Raymond as Mr. Steward
  • K. Danor Gerald as Ranger Rick Dickerson
  • Angel Fisher as Cleaning Maid Gretchen
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The Wasp Woman (1959)

File:The Wasp Woman.jpg
After an experiment gone wrong, a woman transforms into a wasp and wreacs havoc.

Susan Cabot as Janice Starlin, the "Wasp
Janice Starlin is the founder/owner of a large cosmetics company, and her sales have gone down because of her aging (she's not on any of the products...she's just the would anyone buying these products even know what she looked like?). There's this guy named Dr. Eric Zinthrop...he's a doctor who has discovered some enzymes found in royal jelly queen wasps that actually reduce aging (you know, like they do in real life...). He demonstrates it on a guinea pig. The guy isn't only a doctor, but he appears to be a magician, as he has turned a guinea pig into a rat - wow, the special effects of this movie are amazing. Anyways, Starlin decides to give the good doctor a little cash in order to further the research on this brilliant interesting long as she could be his human test subject (who pays to be a test subject? aren't they supposed to pay YOU?). Anyways, the process is slow, and Starlin grows impatient. She breaks into Doc Zinthrop's lab and injects herself with this stuff in really high doses. Eventually, Zinthrop finds out that there are side effects to this drug - but how can a drug like this go wrong? You probably ask yourself. Honestly, it sounded like a good idea to me... Dr. Zinthrop, on his way to warn Janice Starlin, gets into a fatal car accident. Starlin continues to overdose on this serum, and she eventually turns into a murderous, angry queen wasp. She's later killed by a jar of acid being thrown at her face. Let's just hope that when they advertise this stuff on TV that it warns us about the side effects - "May cause aggitation, growth of antennae, and transformation into a wasp".
Overall Review
My Rating: B+
This may come as a shocker after reading that plot review, but this is one of my favorite b-movies (or should it be a wasp-movie?). This movie has so many mistakes that the right parts seem like the bloopers. They mess up at 0:00...who does that? The Wasp Woman. The title scene plays...and what's in the background? Bees! You have a movie called The Wasp Woman and you put BEES in the background!? If I were the director I would've fired that editor. Now for the next glitch. The opening scene. Our buddy Dr. Zinthrop is at a bee farm! A BEE FARM! Then, in the lab, he puts his quakery serum into a guinea pig and it turns out as a rat. Not only did it get younger, it changed species. Anyways, despite all this, you should see this movie. Yes, folks, I said it. See this movie.
  • Susan Cabot as Janice Starlin
  • Anthony Eisley as Bill Lane
  • Barboura Morris as Mary Dennison
  • William Roerick as Arthur Cooper
  • Michael Mark as Eric Zinthrop
  • Frank Gerstle as Les Hellman
  • Bruno VeSota as Night Watchman
  • Roy Gordon as Paul Thompson
  • Carolyn Hughes as Jean Carson
  • Lynn Cartwright as Maureen Reardon
  • Frank Wolff as Man
  • Lani Mars as Secretary
  • Phillip Barry as Man
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National Velvet (1944)

File:PosterVelvet 01.jpg

Velvet Brown, after winning a horse in a raffle, works with her horse, The Pie, to get him ready for the Grand National steeplechase.


Elizabeth Taylor as Velvet Brown (left)
and Mickey Rooney as Mi Taylor (right)
Elizabeth Taylor as Velvet Brown
Velvet Brown, who lives in Sewels, England, wins a horse in a raffle and trains it for the Grand National steeplechase with the help of Mi Taylor, her father's hired hand and a drifter. Mi dislikes horses because, while his time as a jockey, he caused an accidental collision resulting in the death of another jockey. Velvet calls her horse "The Pie", since the former owner had called him a "pirate" for his behavior. After working with The Pie to train him for the Grand National, Mi and Velvet go off to the racetrack. The night before the race, when they are talking to the Latvian jockey, Ivan Taski, they have hired to ride The Pie, Velvet senses that Taski does not believe that he or the Pie could win. Originally, they plan to give up, but Mi begins to imagine himself riding again instead of Taski. But Velvet has other ideas - she cuts her hair and disguises as Ivan Taski. She passes the finish line, but she is tired from the five-mile race and passes out. A doctor then discovers that "he" is in fact an "adolescent female". In modern terms, Velvet goes "viral" in the news. When she is offered 5,000 pounds to travel to Hollywood with The Pie to be featured in a film, Velvet declines, stating that The Pie wouldn't want to be looked at.
Overall Review
My Rating: A
Even despite the fact I rated this the same as The Corpse Vanishes, this is a good movie. At times, the movie is a bit long, but it is worth watching. For me, Elizabeth Taylor disguised as a male jockey didn't quite work...but, in reading other reviews of this movie, I see I'm not the only one with this opinion. All in all, I recommend this movie if you like old 1940s movies.
  • Mickey Rooney as Mi Taylor
  • Donald Crisp as Mr. Herbert Brown
  • Elizabeth Taylor as Velvet Brown
  • Anne Revere as Mrs. Araminty Brown
  • Angela Lansbury as Edwina Brown
  • Jackie 'Butch' Jenkins as Donald Brown
  • Juanita Quigley as Malvolia "Mally" Brown
  • Arthur Treacher as Race Patron
  • Reginald Own as Farmer Ede
  • Norma Varden as Miss Sims
  • Terry Kilburn as Ted
  • Arthur Shields as Mr. Hallam
  • Aubrey Mather as Entry Official
  • Alec Craig as Tim
  • Eugene Loring as Ivan Taski
  • Jane Isbell as Schoolgirl Jane
  • Matthew Boulton as Entry Official

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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

A has-been vaudeville talent, "Baby" Jane Hudson, now in her late fifties, lives with her older sister, Blanche, who is now confined to a wheel chair ever since a car crash. Jane abuses Blanche over and over again, each time taking more durastic measures to do so.

In 1917, Baby Jane Hudson, a vaudeville child star, performs for her large crowds. Since she has been the center of attention in the family, she is a spoiled brat, while her sister, Blanche, watches jealously from the side wings of the stage. However, in 1935, the roles have been switched, as Blanche is now a succesful movie actree while Jane's movies had failed. She starts drinking after most all her movies are flops. One night, after a movie party, one of them is going to unlock the gate to the mansion, while the other one steps on the gas and smashes into the gate. Now, in 1960s (modern for when this was made), haggared Jane and crippled Blanche share their old house. I won't continue with the plot because this movie is filled with twists and turns throughout.
Overall Review
My Rating: A+
I love this movie. There is no other way to put it. Bette Davis did her part so perfectly I laugh at how evil her character is. This is definetly a favorite of mine, and it's even better in October for Halloween. Citizens, I require you to see this film. Now march!
  • Joan Crawford as Blanche Hudson
  • Gina Gillespie as Young Blanch Hudson
  • Bette Davis as Jane Hudson
  • Julie Allred as Young Jane Hudson
  • Debbie Burton as Young Jane Hudson's Singing Voice
  • Victor Buono as Edwin Flagg
  • Maidie Norman as Elvira Stitt
  • Anna Lee as Mrs. Bates
  • B. D. Merrill as Liza Bates
  • Marjorie Bennett as Dehlia Flagg
  • Dave Willock as Ray Hudson
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